what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
