I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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