I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
