He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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