"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
