go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
