If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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