tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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