So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
