She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
