I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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