You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
