I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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