All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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