hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
