i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
