can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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