You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Never underestimate the power of titties
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