so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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