I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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