thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
