someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
