Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
