Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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