it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
