put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
