I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
