just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
