3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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