The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
