you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
