I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
