girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
