i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
