The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
pray to the hookup gods
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
