Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
