I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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