my phone needs a breathalizer
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
