I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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