Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
