Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the raccoons are back...
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