I love black thongs
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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