she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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