So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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