I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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