Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
