thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
