He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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