...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
