you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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