I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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