The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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