areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
