accomplished twins. life is a go
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
