just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
