i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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