his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
