I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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