the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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