So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
