doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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