We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
