hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
