i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
