i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize