Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
