8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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