hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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