PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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