now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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