so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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