i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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