you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
