So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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