its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
