i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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