ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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