I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
