dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
