She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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