New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
