U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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