I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
