We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
