you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
