Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
