you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
