I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.